Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
