I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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