I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We have so much sex to catch up on
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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