I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
