Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
4 words: hood of his car
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
