accomplished twins. life is a go
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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