Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
