drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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