Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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