My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
