Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
