WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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