Can i not drive my cunt home
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
