So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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