They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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