Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
