Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
