Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
