now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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