the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
