Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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