I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
