You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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