new low.... made out with someone while peeing
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
