I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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