First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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