she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
