I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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