3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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