whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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