3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
