So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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