from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
