Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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