im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
