I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
