porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
