i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
