I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's blow job season.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
