She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize