Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize