there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
