Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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