.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
