You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
