Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
