I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
