She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
