okay pat passed out under dana's car
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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