Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
