She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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