you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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