that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
