He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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