Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
