he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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