xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
is it fun? or sober?
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