it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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