You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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