Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
