Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
