4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
