You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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