Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
