I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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