I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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