So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
