I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
