I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
