I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
