the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
