You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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