I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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