I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
